King Of Pop.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 // 10:07 PM

Today, Thursday June 23, 2009, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop has passed away. I started listening to his music ever since i was about 10. I remember finding his 'History: Past, Present, Future' album in my dad's dusty box of albums and fell absolutely in love with it. That album brought my brother and I together like never before. I have a lot of great memories listening to his music. I didn’t realize how much of an effect he had on my life until he was gone. I remember days when I’d listen to his music in my car and sing my heart out. The Jackson 5 stuff always put me in a positive mood! It’s amazing how music can change the course of how your day will turn out. I even wanted to see him perform live one day, but that dream can no longer come true. There is a LOT running through my mind about the whole situation and I’m trying hard to think about the positive things. I can’t help but also think about the negativity that surrounded his life.

The media was cruel to Michael. I can’t even start to imagine how hard it must have been for him. To have to listen to and read rumors that aren’t true. To have people follow your every move. It must have been a pain to always have to defend your every action. Sure, we all make mistakes in life, but if you’re Michael, one mistake, and the world is there to judge in an instant. Especially now with the Internet, word travels extremely fast.

We are so brainwashed and accepting from the media! When TMZ reported that Michael Jackson died, I refused to believe that because I needed the information from more sources. I didn’t let my mind believe JUST because they said something. Some people are quick to believe EVERYTHING put out by ANY source. Especially a stupid company like TMZ. You HAVE to be an immoral person to work for that company. There’s no way you could feel great about your job. It’s pitiful. OK, I admit that I have gone to their websites on a couple occasions and done some “immediate” judging of the people in the video, but I caught myself and asked “what am I doing”? I tell people not to be judgmental, yet here I go about doing the very act I despise and preach against.

Yes, I’m a hypocrite, but we all are. The thing that sets you apart is that you’re a person who tries not to be as opposed to a person that doesn’t care. We should all try to achieve more in ourselves and become better people in all aspects of life.

Going back to Michael. I believe that the constant harassing of the media contributed to Michael’s bad health. How can it not? I mean EVER SINCE HE WAS A KID. I feel bad that he left the world this way. It’s not fair.

I guess we can say that Michael can finally rest in peace.

cred.kjumba.dchoi.kathleentung.

Just Another Day.

Saturday, June 20, 2009 // 2:13 PM

It has not dawned on me until today that the future lies in my actions in which I act upon today. As I eat, sleep, and breathe, my life is slipping away. I have so many aspirations, so many choices that I have to choose that I really cannot take it any longer. I am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet. From what I want to pursue in life to something simple as to what to eat for breakfast; it’s driving me insane. I think something in the art fields; many people who want to become a fashion designer, a graphic artist, a photographer, a model, a musician, etc. knew that that was the life they wanted to live ever since they were small. Me, I have scattered myself all over the place, not fully devoting myself to one field. If someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up right now, I would probably give him or her at least 3 different career paths that I wish I could be. To tell you the truth, I am petrified out of my mind. So many people nowadays don’t have jobs, enough money or food to support their families, and I do not want to be like that. As you all know, I devote my time ranting about how our lives are already so blessed and so wonderful compared to those less fortunate. But all this money, all these luxuries, all of these opportunities all came from my parents; from my past generations. So what will happen when they are no longer there to support me?

Why did this come to me today all of a sudden? I honestly cannot tell you a reason. It was just an epiphany, I guess. We live our everyday lives; one after another, never picturing the whole. I guess most peoples’ minds are set to that mindset of “living life to the fullest” the “IDGAF about the future”, and that is the way I am most of the time. That is probably because the future scares me. I do not, not want to grow up. I do. I do not want to stay in this high school era forever. As much as I love my parents and sometimes Walnut, I want to grow up and get out. Let me tell you, I am so sick of all the drama. I don’t know what it is; teenagers programmed to immaturity, parents not being parental figures to their kids, people throwing their lives away for drugs, and last but not least, teens getting caught up in relationships.

I am pretty sure that those who read this blog sees me in a different perspective than what you thought of me before. Many people see me as this bubbly, always happy-go-lucky kinda girl; and I guess I am most of the time because I do not get myself caught up in drama. But I admit that I am quite a cynic. I barely believe in high school love anymore. (THANKS, guys) But i have to admit that i really hope someone will come along and show me other wise. Many people are always shocked when they hear that I have never been in a relationship (which is hilarious), but that is just how I prefer it, i guess. I honestly can say that I have only REALLY liked someone about twice in my entire lifetime, and those moments were, can you believe it, before high school. Have I ever been in love? No. And I won’t lie about that. I think this world has made the word “love” so cliché that I find it pointless to ever use it. But i sincerely hope one day i will say those three words of "i love you" to someone and vice versa and have it actually means what it is supposed to mean. I am not saying that every high school relationship is pointless. I’m not. The drama, however, is. The fact that people break down their friends about their boy/girlfriend, crying night and day over that one person, and then end up going back to them. Maybe it’s the fact that I have never felt such intensity, and maybe my guard is always up; but that’s just the way I like it. No one I met so far is worth that much pain. That much as to cry over, as to beat myself up over. No one. And what does that say about this world? Or, well, is it just me? Help me.

I simply cannot completely trust many people anymore. Its i guess what experience does to you. I should start listening to what others have to say. Even the closest friends I have, I do not tell them absolutely everything, but im workin on that. I cannot completely pour my heart and soul out to anyone and depend on them, and I never have, but i sure hope that ONE DAY, i will find that one person i can. That is just an issue I have that I am not trying to fix right away.
There is no rush to become vulnerable.

Anyways, my mother and I had a spat today. It showed me that we have two completely different sets of morals. It all started with that jobless woman with now 14 kids. In my opinion, she is the reason why there are so many kids in adoption agencies. Which led me to state that when I grow up, I want to adopt my kids, preferably those that need the money for a surgery or something. My mother turned to me with a disgusted look and responded me like what I had just said was absurd. She said something along the lines of “Why would you want to do that? That is just a waste of money and time. Wouldn’t you rather have your own child? If in that time of pregnancy and you find out that your child will come out with a disease or a dysfunction, you can just abort.” That completely appalled me. That something that heartless could have come out of my own mother. I had that fiery feeling inside of me. I felt like a bomb ticking away; 3,2,1… I did know how to respond to that in a calm matter; so I didn’t. Raising my voice to someone like my mother would only cause well, more drama. But honestly? First off, adopting someone not only keeps me away from the pain of childbirth, but it also helps save someone. Second off, I would NEVER abort a child from me unless it was from rape or something tragic like that. He or she, dysfunctional or not would be mine. Mentally disabled kids are the sweetest people I have ever met. I sometimes wish people would be more like them.

Our generations have improved though. I believe that we are changing. We accept more, and for that, I am proud. Keep it up. Keep peace alive.

P.S. I am simply afraid.