No More Chasing Pavements.
Thursday, April 16, 2009 // 9:54 PM
<-- This will be me in the future. Aren't I the optimistic one?I have given up.
I do not know what to do or what to think.
I feel broken and helpless.
This happens every time and yet i still do not learn.
Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid me.
Maybe I just like to see myself suffer.
Boy, it sure seems like it.
Maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald was onto something when he wrote The Great Gatsby. Dreams seem easier to grasp and understand than reality. I am completely dumbfounded by reality right now as I continue to be blinded by my dreams. I'm in this little bubble that I cannot burst out of and it's suffocating me.
I made up my mind
No need to think it over
If I'm wrong, show me right
I guess I must look forward
Endlessly, this always happens to me
Oh, this thing called Love.
A short amount of time
before I found myself all caught up;
Here it goes again.
This cycle never ends, I think I'm cursed
With Love
My mind is racing again
Thinking,
Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
It feels like such a waste,
Like my presence is erased.
Should I give up now?
Or should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads absolutely nowhere?
Now.
Sunday, April 12, 2009 // 10:04 AM
There is never time like the present.
Time is this four-lettered word that means so much; that impacts so many lives.
In sense, time is sort of like the word love.
They both never satisfy the being when grasped.
Everyone takes time for granted; like it is something you can just pull out of a magician's hat and call it a day.
To me, there is never enough time in the day, in the week, in the month, in the year.
On a daily basis, wake up, go to school, come home, half of the day is over. I then spend more than the rest of the half left dancing or running or working out. On the lucky days, i spend the left over 5% of the day online 5% of the day actually doing homework leaving me with 10% of the day to sleep.
It seems to me that when i try to work faster at doing something, time just passes by faster along with me and when i slack, time passes by just as fast.
From each hour of the day to the past sixteen years of my life, time have always managed to outrun me. It just makes me think of my eighteenth birthday; the age of responsibility in which is coming by fast. Then my 21st, then my 30th, then 40th, 50th, 60th and on.
What happened to those days where everybody was swinging around on the monkey bars; carefree, secure, and no so caught up in "what should i do next"?
So many people are rushing to grow up, while i, the oddball as always, is
slowly aging.
Sixteen years old. My mom told me that i was almost nearly an adult when i turned sixteen last June. Seventeen is just around the corner, and i don't even realize it. What I am afraid of is time passing by so quickly that although i'll be a year older, in my mind, i wont be. Growing older means more responsibility, less fun. I don't know if i want to let go of my childhood yet. But does time care at all? If i say, hey time, please slow down and wait for me to catch up, will it?
My golly, no it wont.
i have less than three hours till tomorrow with a pile of homework to do right in front of me.
oh what a long night this is going to be.
Kathleen.
Not Again.
// 12:12 AM
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
So far, all You've been sending me is infatuations, games, and tricks.
And Iget it. Maybe You're telling me to focus on You, on family, on Dale, and everyone else besides myself. Maybe this is my selfish side coming out, but honestly, I think from all of this, the cynical side of me is emerging when it comes to love and relationships.
From listening to the neverending drama occuring with other couples, fights between friends over love, my thoughts about this cherishable, loving, genuine and unique thing called love is taking a turn to the dark side.
Help me believe that there is such things as to two people falling in love without falling out of it again. Help people realize that people should not take love lightly and treat it like nothing special, because it is.
Apparently there is no better feeling than falling in love, according to my mom.
Apparently there is no better feeling than being in love, according to my friend.
Apparently there is no better feeling than being with the one you love, according to my cousin.
Apparently, there is no worse feeling than being completely infatuated with someone whom will never fall for you in return. And I know that for a fact.
Years of proof.
Kathleen.
